hashtag hips stir

confidnet:

supersamurai91:

confidnet:

i wasted my last bagel my life is over

Just get some bread and cut out a circle

i have never been so offended in my entire life

meladoodle:

llttlemermaid:

boys who can pull off facial hair are hot

i think you’re supposed to use a razor

This is Scarlett Johansson at a beach in Hawaii.

She is one of the most gorgeous women in the world and a huge sex symbol. She isn’t totally skinny, she only has a thigh gap if she stands with her legs apart and she has cellulite and stretch marks on her thighs and butt. Does she give a fuck? No!

Regardless of all this, she’s absolutely gorgeous. There’s nothing wrong with cellulite, or stretch marks, or not having a perfectly flat stomach, you are beautiful and these things are normal. 

I just wanted you all to see somebody who isn’t “perfect”, is still incredibly beautiful and doesn’t care about her stretch marks.

Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don’t have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates.

stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family

Stop reblogging my failure

mycroftisnotonfire:

empress-of-verace:

thesonicscrew:

erikalynae:

faelan01:

ahahagerman:

Europe according to penis size

YEAH, OKAY NOOOO, STOP THIS FRANCE, IT’S PENIS, NOT THE EIFFEL

It took me awhile to work out that this was in centimeters
I was like what the fuck Europe

how was this study carried out though, that’s the real story
"LET US MEASURE YOUR WILLY GOOD SIR! 
….FOR SCIENCE!”

It took me awhile to work out that this was in centimeters…only in America

Oh God I also didn’t realise it was centimetres and I was like Jesus Christ Europe, how are your women and gay bottoms not dead

mycroftisnotonfire:

empress-of-verace:

thesonicscrew:

erikalynae:

faelan01:

ahahagerman:

Europe according to penis size

YEAH, OKAY NOOOO, STOP THIS FRANCE, IT’S PENIS, NOT THE EIFFEL

It took me awhile to work out that this was in centimeters

I was like what the fuck Europe

how was this study carried out though, that’s the real story

"LET US MEASURE YOUR WILLY GOOD SIR! 

….FOR SCIENCE!”

It took me awhile to work out that this was in centimeters…only in America

Oh God I also didn’t realise it was centimetres and I was like Jesus Christ Europe, how are your women and gay bottoms not dead

thaibrator:

when he buys you the coat u wanted

thaibrator:

when he buys you the coat u wanted

maleteen:

IM LAUGHING SO HARD WE ARE TAKING OUR MATH EXAM AND SOME GIRL JUST YELLED OUT “THERE’S NO WAY I GOT 11 MILLION AS MY FUCKING ANSWER”

horoscope: aries enjoy breathing air and good food
girl: yaaaaassss bitch thats me as hell

Beyoncé listening to her music.

bangarz:

I just found the best Facebook page

mainstreetinternet:

The science witch trials

zftw:

genderthief:

i gave my dog a tortilla chip ten minutes ago and she won’t fucking eat it she’s just staring at me with it in her mouth 

she’s waiting for the salsa

zftw:

genderthief:

i gave my dog a tortilla chip ten minutes ago and she won’t fucking eat it she’s just staring at me with it in her mouth 

she’s waiting for the salsa

evidently-evil:

calibornsbottomwhore:

if i had superpowers id use them to get cheesey fries when ever i wanted them

I like that you didn’t even specify the superpower and were just like you’ll make it work